A letter to new mothers (and a good reminder for all moms)

Photo: 20 year old me with my infant. I'm smiling but I am SO tired.  

Dearest,

First, I want to say — You are doing a really good job!

I see the deep love and connection you have with your child and it is beautiful. I truly believe your child chose you as their mother along with everything your brave choice to be a mother brings with it. Your dedication to your sweet family is going to bring you so much joy and many years of adventure, happiness, fun, and laughter.

These early months are hard. Even harder with all the choices, advice, and information currently available to sift through when trying to find your unique solutions to the everyday mysteries of meeting a baby’s needs.

When I say unique, I mean it. The mothering you provide will be nothing like the way that I mother, or the way your sister, mother, friends, or internet moms mother. All we can do is share our stories as evidence to the unique struggles we faced and the solutions we did our best to implement for our unique children.

You are the only one who will become the exact mother your child needs.

This journey is a constant balance between trusting your deepest knowing and intuition while also holding the fear and feelings of being in the complete unknown.

There were, and still are so many moments when I feel like I have no idea what I am doing as a parent.

I have learned to have deep compassion for myself in these moments.

In my experience children & babies are far more flexible and resilient than we give them credit for. Especially when supported by a loving and trusted adult.

It is ok to change your mind. You can start out implementing one idea from one philosophy and change to the next idea in a month or two or even in an hour for that matter.

The important thing is centering concepts like consent, involvement, and honesty.

In moments when your baby is in distress, like when crying during diapering, tell them “I am here for you” and talk them through each step, apologizing for the cold wipe or for having to hold their legs, all while using a comforting tone and reassuring them you will pick them up as soon as you can.

By responding to distressing situations with love and connection now you set the foundation for this kind of communication in the future.

This builds resiliency and becomes the strength our children need to get though tough stuff, difficult situations, unexpected changes, disappointment, and much more throughout their life.

In these early months finding an authentic flow for you and your child by focusing on snuggling, nursing or close bottle feeding, and meeting the physical needs of your baby will set the trusting foundation for moving through future changes with healthy attachment, connection, and safety.

Finding your authentic family flow means you get to take the pieces of what everyone has shared that work for you and your baby and leave all the rest.

When you are unsure of what to do ask yourself, “What will make me and my child feel safe and connected?”

Remember your nervous system matters. What you feel your baby feels.

Don’t forget to breath.

You are a wonderful mother! ❤️️ Please take a moment to let this sink in because it is the truth.

You Got This!

~Anna